Anti-Running and a Rant

Tonight's post was supposed to be about how I finally ran a 5k , goal number 30 on my list of 40 things to do before I do 20.

Now for some background on this goal. I have never ever ran a 5k before. We were mandated to participate in them in high school and even then I did not run. I showed up, lingered behind the serious runners at the starting line and when the race began I sprinted forward. About 100 feet later (maybe 200) I slowed to a walk. Then, I started to pick flowers. I kept picking flowers. Pretty ones in the ditch, one in Mrs. SoandSo's yard, and so on and so forth. Then, I started to make these flowers into a flower crown. Near the end of the race, I stoped at my friend's house and we went in and got a drink. Suddenly the finish line appears and it turns out I am the 365th person to finish the race...out of 365. Alec and I joked about this on our first date a few years ago. I told him that when you "chacha" my name it tells you that I finished the 5k in 365th place. He, being a big runner himself, did not believe me. He tried it and low and behold the only important thing "chacha" can think to say about me is that I hate running. 

When I made my list of goals I put this one in here as a gesture to my ideal self who loves to run. This version of myself does not exist, of course. I thought if I added it in there I had a year to train and would be able to finally run a 5k. This is a task that elementary school kids can complete, mind you. So, I signed up for one at college. The only one happening before school ended was a 4k, so I figured it would be an easy way out. It was a free one, a "color run" minus the air borne color, where you decorate yourself in color before you run. I was expected to run around the campus. It was simple really.

I bet you are wondering what really happened tonight. Well, I took a really long nap. Then, I finished up some homework and had a cup of tea. I also sorted through part of my Bloglovin' feed, organizing the blogs I follow into folders. I really did not want to go run.

 I can be on an elliptical watching Private Practice for 45 minutes but absolutely hate running outside. I feel like I get short of breath and exhausted way too early and am discouraged. I thought about this decision to not follow through with my goals, though. After fighting with my self for a little bit I looked into what this goal list is really about. I created this list to do things that I have wanted to do for a while. Tasks that will somehow shape me into who I want to become. I guess we could use the word growth. Along the way I have realized that personal growth doesn't need to come from completing a goal. It can come from any form of self-realization and acceptance. I discovered that I do not want to run. Forcing myself to run a 5k will not make me a different person, It will make me someone who unsatisfied with who they are. Someone who forces themselves to be something they are not. By not completing this goal, I have discovered that I don't like to run and will not like to. Most importantly, I have realized that I am okay with that. It is who I am. To me, this is a success. 

"Along the way I have realized that personal growth doesn't need to come from completing a goal. It can come from any form of self-realization and acceptance."

The time I spent sorting my bloglovin' also made me see a few things. I get fed up with all of the over popular blogs that I follow posting multiple posts a day and me commenting my little heart out and never being heard. I made a group of blogs I follow titled "small lifestyle". This group is filled with all of the little blogs like mine where people are just trying to make connections with other people. Of bloggers who want to be heard. These are the blogs that keep me blogging. The ones that read the comments and care about the reader responses. I follow quite a few of these blogs and I didn't even realize it. I'm grateful for all of my followers and if you read this far into my post God bless you. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate each and every one of you.

This time last year.