Thursday, May 9, 2013

Anti-Running and a Rant

Tonight's post was supposed to be about how I finally ran a 5k , goal number 30 on my list of 40 things to do before I do 20.


Now for some background on this goal. I have never ever ran a 5k before. We were mandated to participate in them in high school and even then I did not run. I showed up, lingered behind the serious runners at the starting line and when the race began I sprinted forward. About 100 feet later (maybe 200) I slowed to a walk. Then, I started to pick flowers. I kept picking flowers. Pretty ones in the ditch, one in Mrs. SoandSo's yard, and so on and so forth. Then, I started to make these flowers into a flower crown. Near the end of the race, I stoped at my friend's house and we went in and got a drink. Suddenly the finish line appears and it turns out I am the 365th person to finish the race...out of 365. Alec and I joked about this on our first date a few years ago. I told him that when you "chacha" my name it tells you that I finished the 5k in 365th place. He, being a big runner himself, did not believe me. He tried it and low and behold the only important thing "chacha" can think to say about me is that I hate running. 

When I made my list of goals I put this one in here as a gesture to my ideal self who loves to run. This version of myself does not exist, of course. I thought if I added it in there I had a year to train and would be able to finally run a 5k. This is a task that elementary school kids can complete, mind you. So, I signed up for one at college. The only one happening before school ended was a 4k, so I figured it would be an easy way out. It was a free one, a "color run" minus the air borne color, where you decorate yourself in color before you run. I was expected to run around the campus. It was simple really.
I bet you are wondering what really happened tonight. Well, I took a really long nap. Then, I finished up some homework and had a cup of tea. I also sorted through part of my Bloglovin' feed, organizing the blogs I follow into folders. I really did not want to go run.
 I can be on an elliptical watching Private Practice for 45 minutes but absolutely hate running outside. I feel like I get short of breath and exhausted way too early and am discouraged. I thought about this decision to not follow through with my goals, though. After fighting with my self for a little bit I looked into what this goal list is really about. I created this list to do things that I have wanted to do for a while. Tasks that will somehow shape me into who I want to become. I guess we could use the word growth. Along the way I have realized that personal growth doesn't need to come from completing a goal. It can come from any form of self-realization and acceptance. I discovered that I do not want to run. Forcing myself to run a 5k will not make me a different person, It will make me someone who unsatisfied with who they are. Someone who forces themselves to be something they are not. By not completing this goal, I have discovered that I don't like to run and will not like to. Most importantly, I have realized that I am okay with that. It is who I am. To me, this is a success. 

"Along the way I have realized that personal growth doesn't need to come from completing a goal. It can come from any form of self-realization and acceptance."

The time I spent sorting my bloglovin' also made me see a few things. I get fed up with all of the over popular blogs that I follow posting multiple posts a day and me commenting my little heart out and never being heard. I made a group of blogs I follow titled "small lifestyle". This group is filled with all of the little blogs like mine where people are just trying to make connections with other people. Of bloggers who want to be heard. These are the blogs that keep me blogging. The ones that read the comments and care about the reader responses. I follow quite a few of these blogs and I didn't even realize it. I'm grateful for all of my followers and if you read this far into my post God bless you. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate each and every one of you.

7 comments:

  1. Good for you to not force yourself to do something you don't want to do. I personally get so out of breath when I run outside but when I run on a treadmill I'm fine. I think it might be psychological. :-)

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  2. I give you credit for trying running at all, because I LOATHE it! lol Good for you :)

    In response to your comment: I know what you mean - my last name is kind of complicated looking, and while it's actually very simple to spell and pronounce if you take the time, people see and and are so frightened by it that it just kind of jumbles up in their head and the right thing rarely ever comes out! lol Don't worry if you ever get my name wrong ;) I don't hate on those that do, it's just one of those little "things" I pay attention to, because I'm a bit of a crazy person...haha!

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  3. totally with your mantra: running for too long and too far turns out to be not-that-healthy either :)

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  4. I know how you feel! I always want to get into running and be one of those people who run everyday, but it's just not something I can do

    - Carrie

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  5. good on you for giving running a shot!! I can never maintain it as a regular exercise. I stick to ballet and some skipping and toning stuff. I don't think i run properly either because my injuries always play up and i get bad shin splints. anyway....sorry to make that all about me!
    I like your blogging realisation. I feel the same about the bigger overly-popular blogs. i have to say, though, there are a few girls who i remember starting out their blogs when i did (a few years ago) and they took them way more seriously than I did...they are now so amazing and have great followings...and they ALWAYS always always come back to my (much smaller, less "popular") blog to leave a comment. It's something that's so special. Might sound strange to a non-blogger but it means a lot that they haven't let all that stuff get to their heads. I hope that made sense...I just blurted my thoughts out and it seems a little jumbled to me.

    anyway...

    have a wonderful weekend!!! Hows the baking been going???x

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  6. have to say...they're few and far between (the bloggers that don't let the popularity get to them)...
    x

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  7. I think that's an excellent realization to have! We definitely put way too much emphasis on checking off goals, even if those goals won't make us happy. I am trying to get into running for health's sake but god I hate it. :P

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